march 25th: top ten!

okay, i'm back! work has been a little hectic. i worked all weekend plus 13 hours on monday and 15 hours yesterday. however, like a trooper, when i got home, i got cozy in my recliner and watched last night's episode. so while it's all still in my head, here we go....

Ramiele...I don't like her as a person. She is a poster child for the "look at me" generation. And she picks a great song and totally blows it. It makes me mad too that she picks that song and can't sing it. I was excited for it. And then five seconds in, I'm like, ugh. She can go.

Jason...Now, I know Mother was inferring that during his performance last week that I might fancy this young Jason for singing "Michelle." However, for reals, I look at Jason and I think little boy. He is a little boy. I'm more of a Michael Johns aficionado. Anyhow, Jason is lovely. He is cute and charming and just has a really great way about him. I really liked his performance even if it was safe. I can see him putting out albums and really capturing that john mayer, jack johnson type audience. I hope he stays in this competition for a while.

Syesha...I loved this. It was like I had never seen her before. She sang this song so perfectly and she really emotionally connected with it and it was just phenomenal. This may be her Kelly Clarkson moment and if she can deliver more performances like this, then she may be one to watch. I hope she stays in.

Chikezie...There's something about Chikezie that makes me hit fast forward. I don't want to hear him. I don't want to hear what the judges say about him. I just don't care. He's a nice guy with a good enough voice and a great smile but he just really doesn't do anything for me. He can go.

Brooke...God, I am old. Even the people I think are closer to my age are not at all. Oh, well. Anyhow, first off, Brooke's mother is gorgeous. I might even say stunning. It is a very beautiful family. In regards to her song, meh. She stuttered at the beginning which seemed unprofessional but it also could have given her the impetus to really blow us away with the song to make up for it...unfortunately that did not happen. i fast forwarded through comments. I don't care. She can go.

Michael Johns...Hot. He's hot. Super hot. Really, really, really hot. Did he sing something? Anyhow, I hope he stays forever and ever. Sighhhh.

Carly...I didn't think she was that great. There is something about her that bugs me and I wouldn't be surprised if it's that same thing that tanked her record deal. You'd think everything should come together...her accent, her singing talent, her stage performance...but it just don't. I put money down now that she doesn't make it in to the top three.

David...David and Jason have a lot in common. They are two really sweet, talented, charming and seemingly humble kids. David has considerably more talent, yes. It is too bad he picked the weirdest most unknown song to sing. He said it was from some Aussie singer? Whatever. He sang it well though. Next time, pick something I can get behind.

Kristy...I fast forwarded through the whole thing. I could care less.

David Cook...Awesome. I love him. He is fantastic. He's a lot more mature and has a different type of talent than the other frontrunners but that may be the thing that sets him apart. I hope he stays in the competition for a while.

So that's it. My picks for the best this week are David Cook, Syesha and Michael Johns. I would also like to note here that I am sad Amanda is gone because she was somebody I looked forward to on the show. Boo.

3/25 - Final 10 - Sing your birth song!

Great idea to sing the songs from the year they were born.

1987 – Remiele – This should be a great song for her. I do like her hair but not the shorts. Nope. Don’t think she did it well enough.

Is Paula going celebrity biking or wrestling after the show?

1987 – Jason – I do like him playing the guitar as he doesn’t seem so much a space cadet. I don’t recognize the song but it seems to be a good fit for him. He’s safe.

1987 – Syesha – What? 1987? Is there a pattern here? Great song choice for her. Strong performance and with good audience contact.

Chikeze. Now he’ll break the pattern. I’m guessing 1983? And the magic year is…1985! This is his best song in a long time but it just seems he won’t have a fan base that will carry him very far. Love the end of the song.

Brooke – 1983 – Fellow Gemini! It’s so awesome that she plays by ear. I like this song so much but she just doesn’t hit it big with me.

Michael Johns – 1980? Wish I’d looked at their bios. He’s the old man of the group. Whoa….1978. Should be a lot of good songs to choose from for him. He looks like a dork in the pre-song bit. Wish he could sing longer than the 2 minutes. Strong voice. Great job.

1983 – Carly – What a cutie. Photos are fantastic! Love this song. Her tats just don’t jive with her outfits. The band is competing too much with her singing in the middle. Don’t like the end. She’ll be around for awhile.

Little David – was it 1991 cause I think he’s 17? 1990. What a baby. Don’t know this song and am not crazy about it. Sounds like the stuff of a youth rally. Not his best but he’ll be safe.

Kristy – 1984 – Such a wholesome looking kid. She can shine tonight doing a bit of country. It sounds like the song was written for her. She’s definitely the Kountry Qween.

David Cook faced an uphill battle since infancy. Maybe 1984? He just needs to pick a good song and go with it. 1982 He just has a likeable factor about him. What a great arrangement on a Jackson song. Favorite of the night.

So I bid adieu to either Ramiele or Chikeze.

3/18 – Final 11 – Lennon/McCartney Again!

Amanda – Oh-oh. Not good. Sharp? Flat? She’s killing this song and not in a good way. Maybe she has enough of a following to save her spot? I did think she looked her best tonight and love her go get ‘em spirit.

Kristy – I like this song so I hope she does it justice. I don’t want her to wear boots anymore unless she’s wearing a fringed leather skirt or jeans. Very boring. Don’t think it was terrible but not a winner. Might be on the block again.

David A – OK little man. I want you to totally blow it away tonight. Little angel boy just sounds so sweet and pure. Perfect song for him. So, so, so happy he did good! Simon looked sincerely awed.

Michael Johns – His voice so matches this song but I don’t care for the arrangement. He’s safe for another week but not the strongest performance for him.

Brooke – Oh dear. Yellow chiffon gunnysack and an undershirt. I get it. She’s a little ray of sunshine. Nope. I want her to sing Let It Be again. Something’s just totally off for her tonight. She’ll be safe because of past performances.

David Cook – Great song for him! His guitar was more of a security blanket tonight. Would have liked him to move around more and I hate to use the phrase….work the stage! Safe!

Carly – Ballad. She should hit this out of the park. Hate the parade of roses around her neck. Who hems up these blouses and dresses? I could do better. She’s hit a home run. Fantastic.

Jason – Put down the food Michelle. Don’t want you drooling all over your new recliner. MICHELLE!!! WOW. I bet you’ll download this one. He’s murdering the pronunciation but who cares. He just wants this over. Cute will get him through.

Syesha – Once again she leaves me waiting for the big notes because for the most part her singing is very boring. Okay but think she may be on the block again. Guess the judges heard a different song than me.

Chikezie – Oh no….he did it again. A great song turned into a barn raising jamboree. Maybe he should do a twangy duet with Kristy next week. I have to turn it back to Dancing with the Stars! In trouble this week.

Ramiele – She needs to get back her power this week. She looks just so cute. This will get her the votes to keep her around for another week. Love the pants and spikey heels. Great job.

3/12 - Top 12 plus Eliminations

I'm equal parts overwhelmed and underwhelmed by this season. It seems like the same tricks with new ponies that all just happen to be as good as other season's best ponies. Ryan is getting better every year but he acted like a douche during these performances. Ha ha ha, gay joke, I sure love 1996.

First up, Syesha. Time to go home, sunshine. She is a personality sinkhole and though I get chills when I think about the myth and the majesty of The Beatles, she sucked all the life out of this song. She couldn't have made it less interesting. I was glad to see her in the bottom three and I'm sure she'll stay there until she's eliminated. Will she go before or after KLC? Stay tuned!

I'm just going to make up my own spelling for Chickezie's name every week. It's too much trouble to look it up every time and my Firefox won't spellcheck it for me. I can hear the decision-making session that went into this performance; "You almost got eliminated last week, seriously. You had better give people a reason to vote for you, because if the flaming gay vote wasn't strong enough to keep Danny around, you better believe the chubby black guy constituency will disappear next." And brought it he did, our Chickeasy. What a great job. I have no idea what he sang, I don't recall hearing it before nor could I pick it out in a line-up, but he sure left his balls on the stage and that's what you have to do if you want to be able to take the results with a clear conscience. Safe as houses. Big, black, sweaty houses.

I pretty much had to crawl into my shirt to avoid Ryan's embarrassing display of pride over that performance. Keep it together, little man. There is 90 minutes left. He already needs a nap.

Stop singing my favorite songs poorly, Ramiele. She's too weak for this competition, and she has zero confidence on the stage. It could have been the song that defined her, but instead she gave another half-assed performance and I now look forward to her leaving. Sometimes I hate this show. I heard "In My Life" and I was all YAY and then I heard "from Ramiele Mulubay!" and I was all DAMNIT. That's not the reaction a winner provokes. NEXT PLZ.

Jason is so beautiful, what is up with how weirdly beautiful he is. He did his Jason thing and I promise you if he wasn't such a beautiful stoner, I would be completely over him. But he is a beautiful stoner and he's from cartoons he's so beautiful and stoned, so I'm very into him. So whatever he does, I am totally down. Keep on keeping on.

Carly is pregnant. You heard it here first. I really hate this song, I mean really hate this song. Unfortunately, because Carly has such a beautiful and clear voice, and her phrasing is so precise, I can understand every lyric and it makes me a little sick to my stomach. He has monkey fingers, I mean come on. That's disgusting. She sings it like she has probably done it every weekend for five years and she totally has, so no biggy. I don't like looking at her and every time I hear her sing all I can think is "A record company spent $2m promoting her and she is still a waitress." but she has an amazing voice so what are you gonna do? I hope she doesn't win, and I think the Carly backlash will have her eliminated after Ramiele but before David A.

Downs-baby David C. is trying my patience. "Hello" was so great. Welcome to your high water mark, David C. I can't remember what he sang and my stomach hurts. I know I liked it all right, but if I can't remember it, it couldn't have been that special. Never eat two cloves of roasted garlic by yourself. I haven't felt right for 24 hours.

Brooke made me cry. Again. She had the bare feet. I knew she would rock the bare feet eventually. Her sincerity and her earnest performances are half the joy of watching her. I love that she can play and sing and I love that she loves me too. Go on, Brooke. I'm a huge fan.

David H. poorly did a song that was dumb and he got eliminated. Don't you dare blame this on anything but your unremarkable talent.

Amanda didn't look quite as frustrated tonight, and I thought she did a lot better. I think Carly is a good influence on her. I can imagine she gives Amanda pep talks about "Is this what you want? Because if it is, you had better step up to the challenge of getting the popular vote." and such. Carly is the only person Amanda lets touch her. She's got a voice like she just finished throwing up a big meal, and still has that breath control problem, and the Cruella deVille thing is getting tiresome, but I appreciate her and hope she is able to keep her act fresh enough to stay around for a while.

Michael Johns did about a million times better during the group sing on elimination night than he has done on any of his performances. Why are you holding back, mate? What a pretty song. I forgot how much I liked this song. I think I will buy the Fiona Apple version of this song. She's not as bad as I thought she was when all I knew about her was that she was this skinny vegan bitch from Orange County. She really was cutting edge and I have undervalued her talent. I'm sorry, Fiona Apple. Michael Johns, your talent is overvalued and you had better start injecting some passion into your performances or you will be known as "that old guy from Australia in season 7". I honestly forget about Michael Johns every week until Ryan says "Next up, Michael Johns." Again, not a reaction provoked by a winner.

KLC, when you said "Sorry you guys have to hear this again." you won me over. I don't think you are a great performer, I don't think you have a great voice. Your body is incredibly foxy, to be sure. But you have a nice, easy sensibility. I am sorry your song sucked as badly as it did. It was truly the worst arrangement of anything I have heard, ever, including the version of the Alphabet Song that George insists on singing. He has probably three different versions of the Alphabet song, not including the Twinkle Twinkle Little Star version. My favorite one goes "A BC DE FG HI JK LM clap clap NO PQ RS TU VW X YZ clap clap". It's really the best version of the ABC song you will ever hear. He has a really bad one and suffice it to say there is a lot of screaming in it. But at least it doesn't have fiddles going Mach 9 like Charlie Daniels on coke, and by on coke I mean on a lot more coke than Charlie Daniels usually is on. It was REALLY BAD, KLC, and you had better not do anything like that again. When Simon said "Go country", you know what he meant, and it sure as hell was not this abortion of a song.

Ha ha ha, David A. I hope he had his Pull-Ups on because there was some major pants-wetting happening on that stage and I mean it in the literal sense. I'll bet a thousand dollars a little pee came out when he forgot the words the first time. Then when he forgot them the second time no more pee came out because his penis had crawled back into his pelvic cavity and was not taking anyone's phone calls. David A. has a couple horseshit performances in the bank, and while this was a major withdrawal, it was certainly not enough to boot him off. Not even enough to land him in the bottom three, but it might be, next time, so practice practice practice. If you can't find something depressing and idealistic in the Lennon/McCartney catalog, you really aren't trying.

Next week, Lennon/McCartney again. I hope they get to pick from more than the reported 25 songs they got this week. I am looking forward to it. Kind of. I have to go to the bathroom.

3/11 Top 12

Syesha – Wins the photogenic award in her intro spots. OOOOooooo…I don’t like it! This is what my nightmare was for these songs.

Chikeze – He needs a big performance tonight. WOW. What a shocker. I like this song up to the stutter part. Kinda wish he’d have stayed with more of the banjo-y start but still great.

Ramiele – Sushi girl. Go figure. Glad she didn’t mess around with In My Life. I like her singing but nothing very special.

Jason – He’s an Aggie! Is he in special ed? Another winner. How dreamy. Girls(and guys) must be swooning across the country.

Carly – Kind of a strange song choice. I sing it all the time when no one is around…..She’s great singing this song. Don’t like the top half of the dress. It looks like she’s had a lot of practice and hit it big.

David C. – Blue nail polish? Smiling doesn’t work on this one. Unique coarse voice but only really like the chorus to this one. Good enough. (Hey…Sometimes I think Randy’s looking over my shoulder while I type.)

Brooke – A young Mary Poppins. Guitar and piano….and sing. Think she should have sung without playing so she could connect with audience more. Very talented but not a real vote-getting performance which is too bad.

David Boom-Boom Hernandez – Bet he can “work the stage”. Seems off pitch and preoccupied. Think he might be in trouble this week.

Amanda – I had pants and a belt just like that in 1969! I once had a figure like that, too. She’s a cute little hamster face. A bit of a problem understanding her words. Love her energy and raspiness.

Michael Johns – I just know he’ll do good with the song. Very classy. He sings it the way it should be sung and he sounds great. I loved it. After hearing the judges comments…I wonder if he didn’t feel emotionally safe enough to go BIGGER with the song.

Kristy – The Kountry Kween. The band is going too fast but I like the effort. It didn’t seem like she ever caught up to the music. She needs body movement lessons. She may have made a mistake tonight.

David A. – Saving the best for last? Hope the performance matches my anticipation! He really seems like a little kid. Forgot his words!! He’s really nervous and needs to get with it. Think it’s his worst song so far but he’ll be safe based on past performances.

So…maybe goodbye for David Hernandez, Kristy or Ramiele.

March 11th: Top 12

Syesha "Got to Get You Into My Life"
I barely made it home for this. I took the trash out quickly. I put out things to ready for dinner making. Now I'm sitting in my recliner watching Syesha. I have to say that one of my favorite things about the Beatles is the big band arranging. Whaaaa? TERRIBLE ARRANGEMENT, SYESHA. And she is not saving it. This boggles my mind. Is it just because I was rushed that seems like such a bad idea. Randy, nice arrangement? Come on. Paula seems a little together tonight. I give her a 6 out of 10 on the sober scale. Well, Simon even likes it. I refuse to retract my opinion. Next.

Chikezie "She's A Woman"
Sweater vest? Come on. Even that Regis Philbin tie can't save that. I really hope Walmart still isn't dressing them. Oh, but he picked a good song . I can't wait to see what he do with this. Yeah, I said do. Okay, I don't know if I hate this or love it. I think I hate it. And I lived in Texas for five years. Come on now. Ugh. I'm going to go check on the mushrooms I'm sauteeing.

Ramiele "In My Life"
I have high hopes for her. Another good song. Come on. I want to hear her big voice. I love it. I already love it. Now, she just needs to kill it. If a mothereffing banjo starts to play, I'm going to stick my head in the oven. Oh, speaking of which, my salmon is almost ready. Oh, my god. The hand waving from side to side is so gay. I hope this all song isn't this slow. I hope some sort of switchemup happens. It sounds great but if it keeps going like this, the word "forgettable" is going to be bandied about. Okay, I like this the best just because I hated the other arrangements but I also can't imagine that any of these three are going to be the best tonight.

Jason Castro "If I Fell"
I love it. I'm eating a fudgesicle and it's hard for me to type anything else. Best so far.

Carly Smithson "Come Together"
Okay, in her intro video, her eye makeup with her light-colored eyes, makes her look demonic. It's not good. Come Together? I don't see how this is going to be good. She has such a good voice though. If you just compared all the contestants without holding them relative for how talented they actually are, this is the best by far no comparison. But you know, they aren't going to do that, they are fairly going to hold her to her standards which are considerably higher than the ones they hold for the contestants prior. We'll see. Best so far.

David Cook "Eleanor Rigby"
I love this song. Jim has a very funny joke about it. I will try and retell it here. Ahem. "The Beatles's song 'Eleanor Rigby' is about a woman so unlikable in life that nobody comes to her funeral. The interesting part about that song is that the name Eleanor Rigby is actually an anagram for Ringo Larrabee which is Ringo Starr's real name. (pause) Now...none of that is true. And then something else." I know there's a last part to the joke but the part that makes me laugh is when he gets everybody thinking that Ringo Larrabee is Ringo Starr's real name and then he says it isn't true. Ha, ha. That Jim.

Okay, back to David Cook. Is he hiding a receding hairline with that weird ultra-long bang situation? It is just weird. I don't know if I like this arrangement. I think I do. It's good for his voice. Yeah, I do like it. It's really cool. And it's perfect for his voice. This is really great. I know I've said this before...but this is the best so far. I say he and Carly are my top two right now.

Brooke White "Let it Be"
Now I don't love her as much as I think the other bloggers on this site do, but I really like this song choice, I really like the piano and I just think it's really nice. I think it's right between David Cook's performance and Carly Smithson's. It is just really really pretty and just nice. I would buy her album. I don't know if I could say the same for the other two. Hooray, Brooke!

David Hernandez "I Saw Her Standing There"
He's going to "work the stage." Come on, why would you say that? We are all thinking the same thing. This is a good song though. I'm not saying he's singing it well. I'm just saying it's a good song. The jury is still out on his performance. I don't like his Wal-Mart outfit. Wait...Wait..The jury is IN. And the verdict is....Meh.

Amanda Overmeyer "I Can't Do That"
Finally. Bring it, Crazy Hair. She has such a great look. Even with a Wal-Mart selection, I bet she isn't that far off from what she normally looks like. I just believe her whole persona. I'm a fan. Man. She is the best. She like just made it her. I would buy her album. I want to hear her own songs now not covers. She is my favorite of this competition.

Michael Johns "Across the Universe"
He is movie star hot. This is a great song. Less see how he do. I think it's beautiful. Or is it that I think he's beautiful. I can't separate the two. He has the perfect facial hair length. Is he like some hot Weird Science robot? Hot hot hot.

Kristy Lee Cook "Eight Days a Week"
Country. Gross. Go back to Bridgetown.

David Archuleta "We Can Work It Out"
It's obvious that he is last because he is about to crush some song. Or maybe he's last because everybody watching thinks he's going to crush some song. Either way, I'm sitting here with the rest of America waiting to see if he's going to crush some song. God, he is just the cutest kid. HE FORGOT THE WORDS. He obviously forgot the words. The one thing I know from my short TV resume is that if you screw up, pretend you did not and just move on. He cannot do that obviously. Oh, I am nervous for him. I think it really ruined his confidence for the rest of this song. So sad, David. It don't matter. He'll be around forever regardless.

So my top four in this order: David Cook, Brooke White, Amanda Overmeyer, and Carly Smithson.

Signing off.

3/5 - The Girls plus eliminations

I sure hope Asia'h goes home. Spoiler-SHE TOTALLY DOES. That made me so happy. What was with the purple pants, or the pants in general tonight? They all were so high-waisted. A universally bad look. Asia'h sings some Whitney in precisely the same manner a talented amateur should sing it. The essence of meh.

Kady seem like she's probably got a great sense of humor off stage. This was probably the most wrong song she could have done. No personality, robot arms, screechy. Doesn't matter, because you too will be leaving. Go work on your massive lack of personality.

Amanda stomped her way through some, what, Joan Jett? I think so. She looked a million times better with all of that lace and glitter and weave and facepaint taken off. I'm kind of surprised she wore shoes. She doesn't ever look at the camera because she is looking at the audience. I love the way she moves her body. She has terrible breath-control issues, though, and I think she knows it. She must smoke, or has never had formal training on the mechanics of singing. When she is done, the judges tell her over and over again how she finally fits in their box, and boy, is she pissed. I suggest people stop telling Amanda who she is. She's not happy with this show, and I don't think she knew how much acting like you really want it would be expected from producers. She's not playing the game very well, and I'm not talking about "I'm just gonna be me" type of rebellion, I'm talking the "I cannot stand any more of this bullshit, I don't want to be in this game any more." She just looks unhappy and I would like her to go home. Probably the reckless/drunk driving charges and the naked photos will help that process along.

I like the song that Carly is singing and she is really enjoyable to watch perform. I don't think the anti-Carly backlash will allow her to win the show, but maybe she will be able to win everyone over in enough time. She's a talent, nothing really innovative, or anything, but I am glad she's still her.

Hey KLC! Thanks for taking the first Journey song off the table by singing it in a non-committal country style. Awesome the way you couldn't hit any of the big notes. The cool thing about KLC is how you can see the 45-year old Arkansas waitress she will become hovering below the surface of her blank eyes. I wish they would have thrown you off the boat too, but Asia'h and Kady were a good start. Your time will come, KLC.

Ramiele just refuses to perform. A great voice, a cute, unique look, good songs, but she just won't sing them big. I don't know, I'm kind of bored with these guys.

I like Brooke White and I hope she keeps on keepin' on. God, the baby stinks. I can't think of anything else to say about Brooke white because the baby smells so bad. Go away, baby. By re-arranging that song, Brooke really got something else out of it. I love it when they do that. She did a great job and was one of my top 3 for the night.

What else is there to say about Syesha other than she really likes to cheat on people. Lock up your husbands, ladies. She makes too many cute faces into the camera and seems to lack depth and soul. No big whoop.

Danny's elimination was an absolute tragedy. He deserved to be on that tour. What the hell is your purpose, VFtW? WAY TO NOT HELP. What a waste of a great kid, a great talent, and a beautiful face. Every year it happens, though, and I've gotten over it. That's the sad part, I guess. I'll always remember you, Danny Noreiga, until next season.

3/6 The Results

No real surprises. Next week it's the Beatles and we'll weed out the last of the bad seeds.

3/5 The Girls

Before I post I’d like to say that I try to write my blurbs before the judges start talking. My words stand even if they disagree.

Asia’h – Horrid outfit! She’s good and will make it through. Better trash those pants or give them to a competitor.

Kady – I didn’t dislike her as much tonight. Won’t be sad to see her go.

Amanda – Why was she afraid to look up tonight? It just makes me smile to see her move and sing with her raspy tone. I do like her and want her to stay.

Carly – Are the pants from the 80’s? I don’t remember them being so bad. She’s so pretty and has such a great voice. I hope she didn’t look too mature tonight to get votes.

Kristy – So photogenic. She’d be great as American Country Idol. Thought she did a fair job with the song. Might go.

Ramiele – Dumb story. Was OK. Why only fingernail polish on her thumbs? Did she chew off the rest in the waiting room? Pretty sure she’s safe.

Brooke – She had the best story. Liked her singing. Wonder if she wanted to play her guitar. Think she’ll be safe.

Syesha – Yuck. She might as well just talk the song. So pretty even with the camera shooting up her nose. I think she’s safe.

3/4 - The Boys

I will start by saying that it doesn't matter to me who gets eliminated until we get past the Final Twelve. Everyone before that will slip away, out of my memory, like tears in the rain. Usually the pre-Twelve choosing is full of great injustices and outrage, and invariably someone that deserves to be in the summer tour will be kicked aside. I will stipulate to that, and will not comment on the eliminations until after the Final Twelve. Unless something really pisses me off.

Orlando Bloom Lite kicks us off with a stupid recollection of his boring youth. He's dressed like he came out of the gay version of Predator and as we will see later on, David Cook has stolen his razor. He sings his most embarrassing moment, a theme that will be repeated time and time again. Who chooses your songs, stupidface? Get off the stage and out of my life. And stop making me think that poor little David A.'s heart will be broken if you get eliminated. I'm not buying it, or your wedding ring, sister.

And speaking of David A., here he comes, bringing his lyrical social and foreign policy to our living rooms. David A., we get it. The world is bad and people are meanies and we should all chay-ay-ange the world. You could be the sunlight in my universe, David A., if you could just brighten it up a bit. Stop getting your sixteeniness all up in my reality. What a waste of a performance. He looked like he was going to crap himself at the piano. I get so mad when a good song is sung poorly, or a great singer wastes a performance. Get back in the box, and do more, better, next week.

Danny also blew it this week and by blow it I don't mean some gay insinuation even though he is gayer than a picnic with Lysander and Demetrius. I mean it's 80's week, lady. Out of the fifty billion songs perfectly suited for your great voice and your showgirl attitude, you gave us this? I don't even remember the song. Was it Radar Love? It's a song I hate like I hate Radar Love. It was the song from The Coneheads I think. There's a BOMP BOMP in it. That's how bad that song is; I can only associate its existence relative to The Coneheads movie. Damnit, Danny. I hope you get another chance.

David H. apparently tried to make a "living" in his past by using his body and his talent as a "performer" and then he used the money he took from his "employers" to pay for his own "food and shelter", if you know what I mean. What a slut. I sure like this song, and he did just as much as he could do with it. Nothing less, but certainly nothing more. I sure hope he didn't waste all week practicing "What A Feeling", because IRONY.

Stop jumping around, Michael Johns, it's incredibly distracting and not at all rock. He is so much more style than actual substance. He looks like he should be good and I keep wanting him to be good, but he isn't. Like today, I had a lemon meringue roulade and I kept wanting it to taste like a Twinkie with lemon cream filling but it never did. It looked like a Twinkie and poked like a Twinkie, but it tasted like a lemonade-soaked piece of cornbread. There sure is a lot of gay imagery in this recap. Michael Johns is like that roulade. He looks like he could be something, but when you bite into him, you are really let down.

So I have some apologizing to do to David Cook. I'm sorry I said that you washed balls, or wanted to invite the public to wash your balls. I'm sorry I made fun of your very bad hair that is finally starting to make an effort to resemble real hair. I'm sorry that you have kind of Downs-baby eyes and accidentally look right into the camera and make me say "Constantine, knock it off." Because OH MAN, did you ever rock tonight. I was really surprised by this arrangement. It's such a wussy little song and at the beginning I felt as though the guitar really overpowered the vocals. But then he really started to sing and holler and just plain rock, and it was so great! I loved that Simon loved it, and I'm glad David C. is humble enough to be happy when he is praised.

Just when I thought I had seen the best of the night, Jason Castro totally guitar-fakes me and sings Hallelujah. Now, I'm only familiar with this song from its appearance in one of the Shrek movies, but I do know I really liked it then and I thought it really summed up how Shrek was feeling at the time. Jason's voice is like a sugar crust; so delicate, so sweet, so barely there but such an impact. He is as beautiful in the camera's eye as his voice is in my ear, and while I don't think he's our American Idol, I am very, very thankful that this show has introduced him to us. I hope he gets to tour. Again, I'm glad Simon liked him, because it really means something when Simon says "Brilliant."

Chikezie rounds out the night with 45 seconds of forgettable R&B. He was really shown up by the previous two fellows, but I'm sure his fanbase will continue to support him through to the next round. Or maybe not.

I'm sure we'll lose Indiana Luke this week (and by Indiana I mean Luke is like a hick from Indiana, not that he's an archaeologist). I'm also sure we will lose someone I like, because I'm never so lucky as to see the two weakest performers not make it into the top Twelve. Tomorrow night it's the girls. I can't wait to see what Amanda's last straw is going to be.

3/4: the boys

it is 8:37pm PST and i just tuned in. i caught the last part of the aussie hottie being judged. so i'll just go from here and then just judge the rest from internet clips later. you know, what with my television superstardom, my high-powered internet job, my piano lessons and my jet setting...it's difficult to keep up with blogging. JUST KIDDING. i love it. here we go:

david cook "hello":
i like this guy. go get em david. i love that he's singing lionel richie. this is great. he looks great. his hair do not though. maybe that was super trendy in the small town he is from. i would imagine the band loves it when they do fun arrangements like this. this version makes this song sound super creepy. wow. he actually looked a little cute at the end. pretty eyes. i like it! i agree. that totally could be a single. people have done different arrangements of songs but this is the most drastic i have seen. hooray david!

jason castro "hallelujah":
ooohhh hallelujah. he didn't do the gasp in the beginning. i really like this song although it can get overplayed (in my itunes...when i overplay it). i don't know if he's doing anything with this song that makes me love it. he's singing it perfectly though. it sounds very nice. the end sounded a little off. i'll be interested to hear what the judges think. oh, nice. they liked it. jason is a very likable guy too. i want him to move on and do well.

chikezie "all the woman i need":
i like him. i like this song. he's a likable guy. that's all i have to say. he's not going to be one of my favorites in the end, that's for sure.

i will listen to the rest soon and give my reviews. now, i have to do laundry and pack!!

3/4 The Boys

Luke….Still think he’s cute but just doesn’t connect. I don’t know how they can maintain their composure when put through the Simon ego grinder. I’d be in tears. May be the end of the line for him.

David A.…..First 5 notes has me hooked. What??? Pianist, too! He’s an old professional reincarnated. Who can possibly beat him …..

Danny…..Tried too hard tonight. If he’s around after tonight, he better tone it down a bit if he doesn’t work on his singing.

David H…..Have visions of him ripping his clothes off and going into a Chippendale’s routine. Like him and think he’ll be around for awhile.

Michael…..Love his speaking voice. Did he borrow his baby brother’s jacket? He’s making me dizzy by bouncing around so much. He’ll make it through.

David C….The hat sucks with the Spock-like hair hanging out. He can sing and love his smile. Kind of a Dennis the Mennis Rocker. Hope he makes it through for awhile.

Jason…..Please don’t talk. Beautiful teeth and I love his profile view. As great as the song was, I don’t think the song is a vote-getter.

Chikezie….Is this the same guy?? I think he really shined. He may have saved his spot tonight.

Maybe Luke and Danny will hit the road?